I almost gave up on my dreams...

Reversing self-termination


Written by jack friks

Last Updated: Jan 9, 2024

hey friend, it’s your friend: jack 👋. Today we’re going to talk about:

  • giving up on yourself (no hope)

  • how to make a internal comeback

  • why you cannot count yourself out

All so you can ultimately craft a worthwhile life, y’know one that you enjoy, for the most part.

Estimated reading time: 6 Minutes, 40 seconds

Creation log update

Two days after Christmas I opened my Amazon dashboard to see that my book and account were banned. My stomach sank, and then it sank some more.

I emailed the CEO and had a rough sleep a few nights but now it’s unbanned. It was a roller coaster. You can buy the book on Amazon here, or on Gumroad here.

The app I’ve been working on for the last 3.5 months to help people scroll less and destroy TikTok (Curiosity Quench) is at ~1500 users now! I finally added some premium features so I can possibly make more money than I’m losing 🙂 See them here.

We’re gaining close to 100 users a day just from posting short 60 second videos ever day on progress updates. I’m working on a short resource to help people do the same.

I’ve also been writing my 2nd book still, it’s at almost 20,000 words! The audiobook for my first book is slowly coming along.

- My book was banned, now it’s unbanned 🎢 Go see here.
- You can now join 1500+ people quenching their curiosity @ curiosityquench.com (get off the scroll and on a roll!)
- I’m still creating lots of cool s**t, and hoping you do the same. (because I know you can!).

Giving up on yourself (no hope)

6 months ago I started writing a book seriously. I’ve always wanted to write my own book; back when I was little I had this idea in my head about a story which took place in only a waterpark… Sadly, I let that one slip.

Anyhow, earlier last month I made up for it. After 5 months of writing and editing I released by first book. On Amazon too! Self-published.

Me holding my book on launch day to show the world (and my mom)

This was a large part of my dreams to be honest. The next parts where also coming together this month. The app I was working on was seeing substantial growth, people were genuinely connecting with my messages, things were going great for my grandeur vision of a global takeover using creation, curiosity, encouragement, and love.

No one called me means names, (that I can recall), well maybe they did: but the good far outnumber the spited… I was putting in the work I needed to everyday, taking my daily steps (Writing, Building, Documenting) to get to where I want to go.

And then I opened my book sales dashboard…

My account: closed.
My book: taken off of amazon.
My stomach: sank low enough to get under any limbo.

At this point I was just starting my day of work, I only wanted to quickly see if I had any new book sales, and I get this slap to my face cheeks. The good old’ account ban, book taken down 1-2, 1-2.

If I’m being honest I felt like crying, 6 months just snapped into a simple message, The “Account Closed” + “Terminated” cheat code to destroying my hopes and dreams for that day.

Luckily I didn’t let it get me down enough to give up completely. I emailed Amazon and asked for an appeal, they said to give them 5 days to review.

These 5 days were the most I’ve ever checked my email. I would find myself checking my email, putting my phone down for 30 seconds, and then opening it back up again to check my email.

This behavior only instilled more hopelessness in myself, it only made me feel less and less in control. My dreams just fell apart in a single morning, or so it seemed…

How to make a internal comeback

Finally on day 3/5 of waiting I had a mini epiphany. I realized there’s nothing I can do right now, so I need to get to work on the other things in my control and enjoy the day anyhow.. And I did for the most part, but… My heart was still mending itself, I was angry, a bit lost, and still had only a small trace of glimmering hope left to use up on my grandeur mission.

Leading up to this epiphany, I needed to make this small trace of hope bigger. So I asked for help. I asked for encouragement and support from strangers and friends on the internet and they delivered. My close family and friends also showed me support. They knew I would get through this and having others believe in you even when you want to give up; it can make a world’s of difference, it really can.

With the support of many kind people I got back to work, I also distracted myself when not doing work by playing some games and spending lots of time with my partner, bless her soul.

I started to check my email less and less. What helped to still do my work was knowing that the only way to recover, and to still aim for my ideal life, was to keep going. By day 4 my internal state was back to a much higher place of function, I was back to my routine more or less, writing on my 2nd book. Each day I still did most of my routine, but it was easier now.

The impending email from Amazon I was still awaiting. I was already wishing they would just put me out of my misery and get it over with. On my fifth day of waiting, I got my wish.

Why you cannot count yourself out

I woke up to the email “We will not be reinstating your account. Your account will remained terminated indefinitely. We stand with our decision”.

Another morning waking up to my stomach sinking.

It was at this point, that I put out this video. Titled: “all you want to do is give up: what should you do?”

day 5 morning of Amazon KDP termination appeal email (still banned)

This video was kind of a pep talk to get myself out of my own funk. I just received news that my appeal was denied and my hopes to have my book back up and running were crushed.

Giving myself this pep talk and telling myself the truth: If I want to still have any hope of making my life the life I want then I must keep going — II got over my dread and did somethings about it.

I spend an hour figuring out exactly how everything happened and I came across some information that changed my mind on giving up on my Amazon account. I realized most of the replies Ide gotten were pretty standard and likely automated replies.

I spent the bulk of my day trying to send emails that would cause me to break out of the automated system, finally I caught a break.

The same day I got an email telling me there was no hope, I got an old account back, then I had it closed (you are only allowed one account, otherwise you will be banned on Amazon KDP), then shortly after… I got the account with my book on it back!!!

My book got unbanned :) The reviews are even still there and my pending royalties.

I almost did gave up on trying to get my account back, but I didn’t give up on myself, and I didn’t count myself out.

Go see the book live on Amazon for yourself
[ click here ]

The less happy endings

I had this happen before on another seller program for Print on Demand t-shirts with Amazon called “Merch by Amazon” and it didn’t work out so happily.

Ultimately that failure and despair let me to where I am now, on a more personally tailored path vs making t-shirts designs. At the time it was the end of my entire world view, I was lost for a month back then.

Even if I didn’t get my book back, I know I would have figured things out. In the end, everything will be okay.

and as my mom says: “Everything happens for a reason” (There is a good chance your mom has said this too you too).

Don’t count yourself out, even when everyone else is, do not give up on yourself my friend. You got this. Time’s going to pass either way, might as well make the most of it.

What now?

Now it’s time to continue my semi-boring routine that I also love which is brining me where I want to go.

Write on my book every day, Build my app that helps people every day, Document it every day.

and then a bunch of other small stuff that is also important but probably boring.

The book sales will come, the $$$ will come, if I genuinely help people: so that’s mission #1.

Create value > Everything else

Whenever you're up for it, there are 2 ways I can help you:

You Were Built To Create Cool S**t : Click to start, or don’t… (this is a link to my cool book landing page, it’s super cool.)

Curiosity Quench: Quench your curiosity, destroy your scroll addiction— and get on a roll. (this is my super duper cool app.)

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